What Is Cheating?

 

Cheating, also known as infidelity, is when a person in a monogamous romantic relationship has an emotional or sexual relationship with someone else without their partners consent (source WebMD.com).

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What do you have to do in order to prove to the court that your spouse is cheating?

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Since most people have sex in private places with closed doors and blinds, it is rare for a cheating spouse to get “caught in the act”. The courts realize this but proof of adultery is still required. This circumstantial proof is called evidence of “Opportunity and Inclination”.

 

The evidence needs to prove that there was Opportunity for adultery. This Opportunity can be photos or video of your spouse seen in the back seat of a vehicle with the other person, entering a home or hotel together and then emerging some time later. There can always be innocent explanations for such sightings but that is why Inclination is required.

 

Evidence of Inclination means there was an inclination or desire to commit adultery. This can be proven by photos or video of a passionate hug, kiss, holding hands, physical affection during a romantic dinner or touching each other in private places such as the butt, breast or genital areas. In lieu of the aforementioned photos or videos, phone calls, emails or credit card receipts for gifts such as jewelry or flowers may also help prove inclination. If you put these phone calls, emails and gift receipts together with Evidence of Opportunity, then a judge might find that you have enough proof for an adultery claim.

 

Not only does Opportunity and Inclination evidence need to be gathered, but it needs to be gathered legally so it will be admissible in court. If your spouse's rights are violated or the law is broken in the gathering of the evidence, then it will not be allowed in court. Investigate NC Private Investigators are trained to gather evidence legally and in a manner which will allow it to be used in court proceedings. 

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20 Signs That Your Spouse May Be Cheating

 

1) An Unusual Interest In Their Appearance

A sudden interest in your partner's appearance is a big sign that they are trying to gain the attention of another person. This can display itself in many different forms: suddenly dieting to lose weight, going to the gym to tone up or trim down, going shopping for new clothes to include new fashionable underwear, new styles at the barber or salon, new cologne, perfume or jewelry. All the aforementioned signs are suspicious if they look the same around you but apply these efforts when not around you and going to work, social events or out for a little while to get some “fresh air”.

 

2) Change In Sexual Behavior

If your sexual routine changes for no reason then that could be a sign of infidelity. A decrease in sexual activity might occur when their needs are being met somewhere else. An increase in activity could mean they are trying to cover up an act that has already happened. In some cases, the cheating spouse introduces new positions, tricks, toys and behaviors that they have learned outside the home. Whether it’s an increase, decrease or strange sexual request, odds are there’s a reason for it that should not be ignored.

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3) Traveling Alone 

For some reason, going on vacation with your spouse just never seems to happen but work has required them to take several short "business trips". This has been accompanied by having lots of weekends with the girls/guys which results in them coming home pretty late. When you ask to attend these "business trips", you are told the company doesn't allow them to bring guests or that you wouldn't feel comfortable tagging along on a guys/gals only event. This change in behavior is a common sign that they are taking these trips and planning staged events to get together with their new love interest.

 

4) Just Plain Old Lying

Lying is a lot harder than people think. You must first come up with a lie that makes sense which is harder to do when confronted by a committed partner. Then you must remember the same story (lie) and all its details when challenged with questions. Over time you will find inconsistencies in the stories and anger when they are questioned. If your mate gives conflicting explanations for where they’ve been, what they’ve been doing or how well they know someone you suspect them of cheating with, this could be because they are having a hard time keeping their lies in order.

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5) Being Secretive on Their Phone or Computer

You’ve always had access to your loved one’s cell phone and password to their computer but now things have changed. A change in passwords and access is an indicator that they may have something to hide. When confronted for the new password, if a strong rejection is given, that is a clue that they could have content and conversations they want hidden from you. On computers, access to their browsing history might reveal time spent on dating sites or maybe they've deleted their browsing history so you can's see it! Access to email can reveal alternate accounts used to communicate meet up times and details of past sexual encounters. Phones may reveal text messages from a new fling or calls made to an ex-lover.

 

6) Anger Toward You and Your Relationship

People that cheat are unlikely to acknowledge the wrongdoing performed on their part; it’s a whole lot easier to blame you. They will remind you of all the things you did when you dated that you do not do now; all the things they need that you are not fulfilling; all the things they received in previous relationships that they are not getting now. Do not succumb to this scheme of reverse psychology. It is merely a tactic to hide the fact that they themselves have done wrong and violated the trust you have given to them. If you find that nothing you do is right, your mere presence angers them or you are constantly being pushed away, don’t ignore this common sign of infidelity.

 

7) Increased Unexplainable Expenses

Let’s be honest. Cheating is not free. Cheating is an additional relationship added to a person’s life. There are likely bills associated with this new relationship. There could be meals, travel costs, hotel bills and often gifts associated with this new addition. Often these expenses are paid for in cash, but the money still must come from the totality of one’s income. If you notice money missing from your account without a justifiable reason, that is perhaps a major flag that something dishonest is going on.

 

8) Moments of Time When They Are Not Reachable

In addition to money being spent (#7), an additional relationship requires a commitment of time. If you notice that your calls are being sent to voicemail and your text messages are not being responded to in the usual timely manner, please pay attention to this. You might hear legitimate sounding excuses like they were driving, their battery died, or they were in a dead zone and did not realize you were trying to get in touch. These excuses are usually prevalent when your mate is "working late" or on "business trips".

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9) A Change In Their Schedule

For the last several years, your spouse has worked their normal 9 - 5 job and with traffic is normally home by 6pm for dinner. But recently they have been coming in at 9pm stating they had to work overtime due to staff shortages. However, when you look at the deposits in your account, you don't notice any overtime pay in their paycheck. Another example is your spouse is a homebody. On the weekends they normally watch sports on TV, cut the grass and tinkle with the grill. Now all of a sudden, they are up early, dressed and gone most of the day only to return late in the evening stating they had a bunch of errands to run. Human beings are creatures of habit so don't ignore this sudden change in their schedule. This is a sign that they are spending time with someone else that has their attention.  

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10) Emotional Intimacy Has Disappeared

As we get to know our partners over time, we develop emotional intimacy. This is an act of trust where we make ourselves vulnerable and connect more deeply with our mate sharing our deepest secrets, feelings and personal desires. It is often this emotional intimacy that bonds us together after the exciting stage of dating has worn off and the “honeymoon phase” of marriage has ended. So, if you notice your partner no longer connects with you on that level, they no longer make themselves vulnerable or are no longer displaying their emotions and weaknesses, these are signs that their attention has likely shifted to their affair partner.

 

11) Friends Feel Awkward Around You

Unfortunately, when cheating occurs you are often the last one to find out. The cheater’s friends often know all the details from the beginning and even your own friends may have knowledge of this extramarital affair. This knowledge typically causes these friends to feel uncomfortable around you. They don’t want to be the one to tell you, but they don’t want to be a part of the cover up since they know. To distance themselves from blame, they typically avoid the subject of your relationship or are overly nice to you. If you find your friends acting strange around you, this could be a clue that they know something is up.

 

12) Me Time

Trying to spend time alone with your spouse is a thing of the past. They no longer want to do common things together like go to the store, eat dinner together, watch tv or even sleeping together. Cheating spouses have the tendency of separating themselves and would rather be alone than spend time with you. When confronted about the situation, they will often say they just need some "me time" and will accuse you of smothering them.

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13) Deflecting And Avoiding When Confronted

Let’s face it, nobody wants to get caught when they are cheating. So, a common method to avoid being caught when confronted is to Deflect and Avoid the conversation. Basically, when asked about cheating, your partner will do everything imaginable to change the topic, distract you or redirect the blame for what you are thinking and feeling onto you. In some instances, they may even accuse YOU of cheating!

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The Below 7 Signs May Be A Clue That Your Spouse Is Cheating & Preparing To Make A Quick Exit:

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14) Protective About Their Mail

When someone is done with their relationship there's a lot of planning that has to happen. Registering for a new apartment, separating cell phone accounts, and the like. This is a time when being protective about their mail or hiding it is important.

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15) Reading Your Mail Without Permission

Gaining access to your mail without your permission will give them valuable information about your life and assist them in planning their next steps. They could destroy your bills so accounts become delinquent causing your credit score to go down and make you look irresponsible in court. Be careful to ensure you're receiving all your mail and communication about the important details of your life.

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16) Removing Your Name From Bank/Credit Card Accounts

If you don't have access to your accounts, then you don't have access to your money! Once again, these accounts can intentionally go delinquent causing your credit score to go down and make you look irresponsible in future court proceedings.

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17) Opening New Credit Accounts In Your Name 

New accounts in your name can be used to fund your spouses new life. A life that does not include you. Be careful. Run a credit check on yourself to discover any new accounts you're not aware of. Think about it; your spouse had your date of birth, social security number, driver's license number and all the information needed to open up a new account in your name.

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18) Rushing Document Signings

If your spouse rushes you to sign documents without reading them thats a major clue they are trying to get away with something. You could be signing a new deed or a power of attorney giving them power to make financial decisions on your behalf.

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19) Your Spouse Has A New Private Mail Box

A new private mail box gives them the perfect place to receive mail, documents and provisions for their future endeavors. Discovering this new mailbox is a major sign they want to protect their exit strategy.

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20) Not Sharing Access Codes To Home Security Box/Safes

Having access to important papers stored in your safe such as birth certificates, wills, power of attorneys, estate planning are vital as you prepare for a potential divorce. If the code to the safe has changed beware because something bad is about to happen!

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So I Believe My Spouse Is Cheating. What Should I Do Now?

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1) Hire A Private Investigator

The worse thing you can do is to try and gather the evidence yourself. There are too many things that can go wrong and there is too much you need to know in order to successfully perform surveillance on your spouse. This is the reason the State of North Carolina requires a license for individuals and firms before they can perform investigations. Not only could you violate someones privacy which will subject you to being sued civilly, but you can be charged criminally with stalking, trespassing and many other offenses. This is too important to make mistakes. Hire a professional to get professional results.

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2) Do Not Tell Anyone You Are Hiring A Private Investigator

It is not uncommon for your spouse to have an affair with a close relative or your best friend. Unfortunately, in these situations nobody can be trusted. Someone may accidentally leak the information to your spouse or share the news intentionally out of resentment for you due to previous family conflict. The persons you are confiding in might actually be the person your spouse is sleeping with or they may have a stronger allegiance with your spouse than you and spill the beans to protect them. Cheating Spouse Investigations have proven that the worst comes out in people and unfortunately, NOBODY CAN BE TRUSTED!

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3) Do Not Confront Your Spouse

Confronting your spouse with your allegations will clue them in to the fact that you are aware of their activities. We realize you want immediate closure to the situation, a confession and an apology. Despite how good that might make you feel initially, in the long run it will be extremely difficult to gather the much needed proof of the affair for court. Trust us, do not confront your spouse. Avoid confrontation, remain silent and you will have your day in court.

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4) Do Not Violate Their Privacy

Just because your spouse is having an affair does not mean they no longer have the right to privacy. This right to privacy is protected by law. This means you cannot look at their phone, record their phone calls, access their email, hack their personal computer, break into their social media accounts or open mail in their name to include credit card statements. Accounts and items belonging solely to them are protected by privacy laws and any information you obtain from these accounts illegally cannot be used in court proceedings. Private Investigators have the experience and are trained in techniques of gathering information needed for court legally. The last thing you want to do is gather the information you need illegally and end up in jail or in civil court.